you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
