Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
