We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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