i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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