So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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