Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Randomize
