Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
