YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
