Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
