going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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