that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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