i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
