I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
