I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
