there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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