u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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