Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
