Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
