I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
As shirtless as possible
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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