Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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