whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
