Are we in a gay sports bar?
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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