How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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