I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
