Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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