i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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