I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
