Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
