Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
