There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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