I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
