Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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