You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
