Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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