I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
