i just snorted my name. best moment ever
bring money and cleavage
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
