No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
