i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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