'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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