You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
