no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
