I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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