he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
