how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
