Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
