Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i was born a porn star she said
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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