I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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