What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
