i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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