Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
