Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
