We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
